loss of my love

One result of the mysterious nature of love is that no one ever has been able to define love satisfactorily.
According to me love is just too large…too deep to be understood and defined. I think it can only be experienced. Also, you cannot make love happen…you cannot force its manifestation…you can only “fall in love”!!!
And when one falls in love he calls upon another trouble the pain of separation…the risk of loosing his love…which comes with the package of love…
Once we loose our love what reigns our life is “Change” Yes!! Our life changes drastically… things which once were our favorite seem so dry… life seems so f***ing dull. Its like the entire juice has been sucked from our life and we feel defeated and always empty handed. Our life then becomes a struggle, a war with our own mind, heart and feelings. We start to wonder “why is this happening to me…why ME??” The feeling is even more pathetic if you loose your love because of a sudden complexity in her health…
I am slowly starting to believe that Love anything – a person, a pet, a plant – and it will die. Trust anybody and at some point you will be betrayed…depend on anyone and that one may let you down.
I have understood that the price of love is pain. If someone is determined not to risk pain then such a person must not do things like: getting married…loving his wife…having children…the ecstasy of sex…the hope of ambition…friendship and all of that makes the life meaningful and significant
I have understood that in life when I move or grow in any dimension pain and joy will always be my reward. A full life will be full of pain. But the only alternative is not to live fully or not to live at all…

I am???

Bhagvita says that our body is a reflection of our soul….of our own SELF. Even if the body gets destroyed the soul….the self is eternal…its sublime…it lives.

So what is this SELF?

The yogic scriptures state it - as a force that resides within each one of us…a greater energy…a greater power. Some people experience it from time to time…some realize it and achieve it and some choose to lead this life as it comes and for them this self… God… is nothing but a hypothetical theory.

The scriptures further states that this SELF: is an absolute being living inside us…its an absolute consciousness…an absolute bliss…and that we are nothing but the SELF itself!!!

Huh!!!!

Really???

Well, how can that be?? If I’ am the self then why don’t I feel like it? How can someone talk about eternal bliss to me…specially in the world that I live in with endless tensions … sufferings…infatuations…mood swings…etc…etc…

The multiple terrors and agonies of existence do not overwhelm me becoz I keep my eyes resolutely shut against them. Through all sorts of ruses, with all sorts of medicines and devices I try to deny and avoid the depth of my pain and that of my fellow creatures for if I don’t then I would go crazzzzy.

Simply and honestly I ll try and count and measure the frights and alarms that have befallen my own heart – the fears of my childhood, the insults and rebuffs of adolescence, the anxieties and countless hurts and losses.

Forget absolute knowledge…forget the feeling of holding hands of your girl friend…forget the calmness u get by resting on your mother’s lap!!!

What about the abysmal ignorance that men and women live in???

Where do we come from??? Who are we?? Where are we going?? What are we doing?? Guys we have no idea…though we may depart any moment.

And as for fact, most of us feel that our identity and existence is so much less than it could have been. For example….we wanted to become a great concert pianist but…alas, we ended up working as a clerk! How pity! And truth often seems as remote and unobtainable as some brilliant distant star.

Perhaps in the end its all these sufferings that turns most of us towards a spiritual path. We start to feel the need of some guidance…

But for me my acquaintance with my spiritual path has been an interesting one… I guess am into it by chance…actually I started to believe in the concept of “SELF” slowly…very slowly. It was just the practice of mediation and certain yoga that fascinated me earlier got me into this path.

Now am completely logged in the path.

I don’t experience the self nor have I seen it just that I have felt its presence inside me and have touched my own space for just a moment…

Instead of feeling constant torrent of bliss, I experience spurts of pleasure and shocks of pain!

Its not that I don’t experience the self but just that my experience of the self is small and restricted, which is quite valuable for me…

So what is it that keeps me away from experiencing my Self in its full glory and form???

Yoga says it is – Your Mind!!

Gerald Manley Hopkins once said:-

“O the mind, mind has mountains; cliffs of fall
frightful, sheer, no man fathomed. Hold them

cheap

May who ne’er hung there”

Going Beyond Mind

“MIND”- the source of all sufferings…Why??

Because I don’t understand the nature of my mind….

My mind is ruled by restlessness, am pulled here and there by its continual cravings…am tormented by the recurring anxieties and fear which arise in my mind, but paradoxically I continue to cling to my mind with tenacity.

I do not want to loose my mind at any cost…that’s certainly not my intention but from the prospective of yoga, this is exactly what needs to be done. Yogis say to let go one’s desperate grip on the mind…and stop identifying the mind’s activities…to remain tranquil regardless of what the mind presents to upset us.

When I first read these words and gave a thought I concluded – Bull shit!!! These yogis are nothing but a bunch of crazy losers who shy away from their responsibilities and always find an excuse for the same.

But soon I realized the need to free myself from the clutches of my mind….from the vicious circle of endless thoughts and confusions….

Once I encountered a book on mind written by Dr.Harold Streitfield a psychology professor at Stanford University (USA) and an author. He wrote – “While the psychologist is concerned with trying to understand the mind’s activities, a yogi attempts to go beyond the mind…to the Self. By simply observing the mind’s vagaries and by refusing to become absorbed in them; a yogi is able to witness the inner workings of the psyche yet remains detached from the mind’s dramas.”

Aahh!!! But how’s this possible for me??

As an individual I knew my responsibilities….as a son…as a student…as a friend and most important of all as a normal social human being.

I cannot run away to the caves of Himalayas and sit there half naked with over grown hair and beard trying to free my mind!!! Oh Man!! No way!!

There has to be an alternative…there has to be a way to calm my mind from its fluctuations amidst my daily activities.

In the year 1999 I came across a spiritual path which taught – “God is within you as you” and their primary practice was - Meditation.

I wasn’t quite sure about the God realization thing but meditation is something that interested me and had fascinated me earlier.

So the process began. Everyday I would sit down to meditate and guess what?? It was such a fight…sometimes my mind would get even more restless than before coz of this Meditation. But still I was determined to stretch myself and so I continued…..

Very slowly I started noticing the difference in my character…also my friends told me that I was a lot more patient and composed…morever I felt calm and quite each time after my meditation….I discovered that it is the best relaxer…many times my practice of mediation would facilitate and help me find solutions to the complex confusing questions of my mind.

And during this process somewhere I had started to feel the presence of a greater force inside me…a greater energy within me…

Only that my focus was not on my mind that this force had started to reveal itself and manifest in my being.

Till today I meditate regularly and now the things are way different …its not that am floating in bliss and with out any tension…

Its just that now days am lot more patient…contemplative which has helped me in improving my relationship…my studies…also am discovering so many new qualities and virtues inside myself…its such a wonder!!!

Also I must admit that the best thing in meditation is to watch your thoughts come and go but never become a part of it... In yogic scriptures this is referred as the “Witness Consciousness”

things i dream of doin...

Throw away ego…

Buy a telescope…

Talk to strangers…

Learn to swim…

Paint the house…

Adopt a dog and a squirrel…

Find GOD (at least try!!)…

Read more…

Work for free…

Forget sleep…

Watch the sun rise everyday…

Visit Greece…

Get a tan…

Bungee jump from an airplane…

Call out “Mom!!”..loud..real loud…

Count the stars in the sky…

Write an autobiography…

Watch the world go by at a train station…

Climb a snow scrapped mountain with the shirts off…

Make rain…

Chase a ghost…

Ride a bike at its top speed…

And my personal favourite….make time to do nothing…

Discovery...

I discovered….
I could talk to plants…
Smile at the person screaming at me….
Walk barefoot all day….
Live ma life without rushing…
I discovered…
Nothing is permanent…
This life…this birth…nothing is permanent…
This universe is a play…the paly of consciousness…
This universe is a television…it helps to go back to the barriers…
Barriers of desire…lust…fear…dishonesty…hatred…violence…anger…EGO!
Helps us to break free….feel loose…feel lost….
I discovered…
I discovered that “women” are indeed the most beautiful creation of God…
And that they posses more beauty…than just sex appeal…

Death

The idea of eternal return is a mysterious one, and has often perplexed great philosophers with it: to think that everything recurs as we once experienced it, and that the recurrence itself recurs.

Putting it negatively, the myth of eternal return states that a life which disappears once and for all, which does not return, is like a shadow, without weight, dead in advance and whether it was horrible, beautiful or sublime….its horror, sublimity and beauty means nothing. And when we brain storm on the concept of eternal return…we should not forget about DEATH

DEATH the sublime truth of life…..of this birth….of our very existence….

Does death Really exist???

What does it feel like when you are dying???

Can I know when and how I will die???

Is death painful??

How do I prepare for death???

These are some of the questions that drools in the minds of individuals…..scared individuals….

The Bhagwad Gita says:-

“Just as a man casts off worn out clothes

And gets new ones,

So the self casts off worn-out bodies

And enters new ones.

When this is the case, why do you worry??

Why do you weep??

For a wise person, death is beautiful;

It is only when one lacks knowledge

That one fears it.”